So it has been a while since Ive posted. On october 8th I competed in a fitness comp in montreal...and didnt do so well. Since then I have been trying to improve my posing, body compisition and work on my golden glow! I really debated for a while whether to compete in the IDFA World Championships this weekend. Finally, last saturday I committed myself 100%. I have really been struggling with motivation, energy, and the will to eat well, but finally mustered up the energy to get at it! I have made sure I started tanning, and got in every single necessary workout in the meantime, although many were a struggle.
             I had a posing session today with the wonderful Kim Allan. She is just fantastic, and I cant say enough about her as a person and coach! So sweet and talented. I really feel on the ball now :) I have been 100% committed- no cheating, no tricking myself into thinking a bite of this, or a latte, or some candy is ok. I have nixed the carbs almost totally for the next few days, and even forced myself into 45 mins or so of cardio, almost every day. I am tired of slacking, tired of cheating MYSELF! I want to go on stage feeling like I put out all my effort.
           I had a talk with my bf a few weeks ago, crying, saying "I want to prove to  myself that I can do this, stick to a diet, not cheat, not binge, not convince myself that eating fro-yo a week before a show, or having crystal lite, or a drink, is ok. " IT IS NOT! I was depressed because I wasnt doing what I knew I should, or could. So I did it. Although Im on no carbs, I feel better than I have in years, more energy, a zest for life, a positivity. I deserve abs, I deserve to be lean, I deserve thin thighs! I have struggled with eating and food addiction, and body image issues for years, and I finally feel empowered.

            Im glad to get this out, and it is for anyone who reads, because...we are all struggling with the same things. Whether 300lbs, 110 lbs, whatever...we all have internal demons, and obstacles, and boyfriends who want to eat peanut butter oh henrys. There is nothing better than getting off your butt and doing something wonderful for yourself, and your loved ones. I will never forget something a client told me this week. Ashley, who works at Princess Margaret, said "I feel like I need to work out, even after a 12 hour shift, because my patients tell me they wish they could exercise. I need to take advantage of the fact that I can."

So true. Regardless of whether I place, this has been a personal journey, and I feel amazing knowing I have the power to change my mood, change my outlook, and just do it.