Mental Health: Real Stories

07:12Whitney Hills

I have come to realize that most people I know have dealt with mental health problems themselves, or have had a close friend or family member that suffers. Each one of us have probably been face to face with mental illness during our lifetime. I have been shocked at how many encounters I have had with others who are suffering, others who's lives are affected, others that struggle to be happy or to get by. It seems like a growing phenomenon, and I think that it is something we should be teaching our children about, and not hiding it under the rug. 

 I invite those who want to bring their struggles to light to share their stories. So that other's may better understand the struggle, and have insight to other people's realities.

 My first shared story is from a client and good friend of mine. Although we have only known each other for a short while, we instantly clicked. This wasn't meant to be a client testimonial, but Leah killed two birds with this piece of writing. 
Check out her blog here.
Take it away Leah....
I have struggled with mental illness since I was 19; In the last twelve years, it has presented itself in a variety of ways. 


When I first noticed that something was "off", it was because I felt sad, empty or hollow, even when I was participating in something I found enjoyable. I had friends, interests, and got good grades at McMaster University, but still felt unsettled. This progressed to anxiety attacks during exams and intense emotional breakdowns. Sometimes I would walk down the street, crying behind my sunglasses for no other reason than I was feeling melancholy.

Throughout the years I rode the ups and downs of my illness. I spoke with different experts, accepted a multitude of diagnosis, sought help, got better, and got worse. Things were always challenging in the winter and seemed more helpful in the spring.  The cycle continued and, at the age of 29, I developed an eating disorder. 

My eating disorder started off innocently enough: I had gained about twenty pounds over the years and made a pledge to "get my body back."

I began the process by making some simple cuts to my diet. First, I eliminated as many carbohydrates as I could. Within a few weeks, I had dropped 7lbs. Delighted, I decided to eliminate several more "bad" foods. Just like that, beef and cheese were gone and so were another 5 lbs. Nuts, dairy and chicken were soon added to my list of "forbidden food" and I I subsisted on nothing but vegetables, hummus, and protein bars. Essentially, I would eat nothing until lunchtime, gulp down my rations, destroy an entire pack of gum on the drive home to stay awake, eat a protein bar, spend an hour on the elliptical, have dinner, and repeat the next day. I am convinced the only way I managed to stay out of the hospital  was because of the crippling binge eating episodes which happened about once a week.

And then, I discovered weight training.
I stumbled across weight training last summer because I couldn't bear spending any more time on the elliptical trainer. On a whim, I bought a groupon to a bootcamp gym run by an ex marine. It combined resistance/weighted workouts with cardio, and I fell in love. I can pinpoint a very distinct turning point where I had to participate in a circuit of box jumps. The boxes seemed too high, but the instructor barked "don't think JUST JUMP!" and I did. And I nailed it.
I also got hungry. I needed to fuel my body in order to support my daily workouts, after all.There was something so empowering about weight training and watching my body get bigger,stronger  and being okay with it. 

In order to maximize my workouts, I decided to seek the help of a personal trainer. Whitney Hills came highly recommended so I contacted her and scheduled an initial meeting. We connected immediately. For the first time, I felt like someone not only understood my struggle, but could help. And not just with the workouts and nutrition either, but the day to day obstacles someone recovering from an eating disorder must face. She can expect to receive a text from me every Friday, (aka staff treat day at work) which triggers old feelings which are hard to abandon.

Within the short time I have known Whitney, my life has changed drastically. Not only do I eat five or six meals a day, but my confidence has skyrocketed. No longer confined to my elliptical, I elbow people out of the way at the gym so I may complete my 50lb weighted squats in front of the mirror. My future goals involve participating in a fitness competition as a strong, confident athlete.

While I don't believe I will ever be fully "normal" or "recovered", I will be forever grateful for the love and support I have received from countless people, including Whitney. They have given me the coping mechanisms and tools I need to feel, dare I say, happy.

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